


Definitely

by Innocent_Fandom_Trash



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anger, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bad Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Blackouts, Break Up, Cannibalism, Character Death, Cheating, Consensual Underage Sex, Cutting, Depression, Drinking, Established Relationship, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Major Illness, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Relationship Issues, Sad Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags May Change, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 18:30:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17027820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Innocent_Fandom_Trash/pseuds/Innocent_Fandom_Trash
Summary: Josh & Tyler are soulmates some would say. Tyler, Josh's support and overall happiness. Josh, Tyler's ticket to freedom and "love". Josh's past has caused a rough patch in every week of the month. Tyler sees no reason to run from Josh.. afterall, he'd still be the one with the happily ever after. -Or would he? Has Tyler lost it.. or is what they said true- did that happen- did he- and they- with him-Read to find out.





	Definitely

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING. IN THIS CHAPTER THERE IS SELF HARM, ANOREXIA IMPLICATION, UNDERAGE SEX (CONSENSUAL), UNDERAGE DRINKING, DEPRESSION REFERENCE, AND POSSIBLY MORE TRIGGERS SO IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE AVOID READING OR TAKE CAUTION. THE WHOLE FIC HAS TRIGGERS SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

"I hear you, I hear you." laughed Tyler, the smile on his face was was perfect, looked painted on in a way, permanent, like nothing could ever make it go away.

"Well then admit it, admit you're perfect, and admit you're mine." Josh followed in a proud tone, smile equally as vibrant.

"Imperfectandimyours-" Tyler mumbled, blushing, acting embarassed to say such a thing in public where people could hear him.

"What was that? I couldn't hearr yoouu-" mocking Tyler's embarrassment, you could tell Josh was enjoying this. Josh always enjoyed this.

T: "You heard what I said-"

J: "So what if I did? I want you to say it like you're proud of it, like you mean it."

T: "You're mean."

J: "So are you."

"I'm perfect, and I'm yours." You could hear the strain on perfect, a mocking tone of self hatred that was often found in Tyler when he would "admit" to things.

Josh laughed. "Thank you Mr. Stubborn."

They talked. For hours and hours, about butterflies, the color blue, sweets- anything anyone could think of. Their little walk in the park definitely became something more. A walk of reassurance- at least to one of them.  
                      ___________________________

T: "So... are you still-"

J: "Shh. You promised you wouldn't bring it up anymore." Josh interrupted Tyler. He wished it could just be left alone. Of course he was still doing it, it was obvious how he looked. His face pale, his hands shaky. All the baggy clothes he owned wasn't enough to cover it up.  He wished Tyler would just see he was better thinner.

T: "Josh, babe, I still have to check up on you. I don't want you hurting.." Tyler trailed off, and looked at the grass bellow where they stood. He fumbled with his hands hoping he hadn't made Josh mad or uncomfortable- he just genuinely cared about what happened to him. Kinda like a blacksmith would care about their material except this was him and his boyfriend.

J: "You know I am, don't play idiot. Why do you keep bringing this up!?" anger started to consume Josh again. He was like a tornado- calm and cloudy almost constantly, every so often swirling spirts of anger and hurt would spin around his thoughts, controling which direction he would go, and disreguarding anyone in his way.

Tyler though- Tyler was like sunshine. Above the clouds, above the ever moving problems, above the hate, above the sadness. He always seen the bright side of things and used his glowing rays of sunshine to part Josh's storm and show him calm once again. The sort of calm you feel by a fireplace, a safe home-y calm. Like nothing had ever been wrong in the first place.

Or so Josh describes it. Like ocean waves, music waves, and sunshine. Tyler was his sunshine.

"Josh I'm-"

The storm had begun. Josh couldn't see him, he couldn't see the innocence on his face, he couldn't see Tyler's eyes pleeding as if to say "don't do this."

Tyler was scared. Terrified even. All he could do was wait until the storm went from "E5 to E3." There was no point in calming him right now, it would only make things worse. People have told him it's amazing he knows the limits- and what to do. Truth is he doesn't. He never has. He just hears Josh yell out things that are supposed to make sense. Like bubbles and bubble wands. They never made sense. Josh never makes sense. But he loves that about him.

Josh was yelling. Loudly. 

"I thought you CARED enough to STOP. STOP asking ME IF I QUIT STARVING MYSELF. You'd be an IDIOT to think I WASN'T. ARE YOU BLIND??? ANSWER ME DAMNIT, ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND!!??"

Tyler couldn't respond. He just stared at the people staring at him. He wished they'd go away, back to their lives where Starbucks and low fat diets made sense. They could never understand what happened with Josh. They could never understand why he stayed with Josh. They could never understand why he felt so alone despite loving Josh and- and nothing. 

Josh kept yelling and pacing back and forth, the veins popping out of his neck and chest, the sweat dripping from his forehead, and how it made the tattoos on his chest look polished. He had thrown his shirt on the grass, it looked a little ripped. Tyler tried to drown most of it out since he knew it wasn't really Josh that was saying this.

"you CUNT.... DO YOU THINK I LIKE THIS???...... they don't GET IT AND NEITHER DO YOU ANYMORE... you cAUSED THIS YOU SONOFABITCH.... they can DIE... you CAN'T DO THIS TO ME-"

Some time passed. It was anywhere from one hour to ten, Tyler's phone died so he couldn't tell. It was dark now, the streetlights lit, the temperature dropped from the amazing 70°f it was to a cool 55°f or so. He leaned against a table, where Josh was sat crying. The last thing he remembered him saying was "it's my fault not theirs."

Josh sat up. His eyes were puffy, his rolled up sleeves exposed his wrists which had been stained a shade of red. He was cold, but not chilly, cold on the inside.

"..Tyler?.."

Tyler jolted around, he thought it'd still be awhile before Josh came-to. He looked worse under the bright florescent light that lit the park around them.

"Yeah? You need something?"

He didn't know. He didn't know if he needed something or someone. He needed to know what he needed.

"I.. I don't know- I.."

Studdering. Like last time. Tyler didn't know what Josh could need, he never did. It was a guessing game but the consequences for guessing wrong were much greater than your average Uno game.

T: "Want me to sit next to you? You don't have to talk you can just nod your head if you ar-"

J: "Sit."

So Tyler sat. It was quiet for a minute besides the sound of Josh's slowing sniffles. He looked frail, like a dying flower that has just been placed into dry desert soil, and while the roots were searching for water, they found none, so the flower's death accelerated.

J: "I can't remember when it got dark."

Josh's head was racing. Did he hurt Tyler? Was he hit again? Did the police show? Did anyone see? Did his mom drive by? Was there a new check on his record? Is he getting new medication? Was he reported anywhere? Is Tyler okay?

T: "There was a few people for awhile. Nothing happened except someone asked if you were handicapped when they seen me helping you get your shirt back on because you were shaking so bad."

Tyler couldn't remember half of what Josh said. He just new there was no new bruises, and surely Josh was paranoid about his blackout and what had happened.

J: "I- how did you- thanks."

Had Tyler read his mind? Or did he just know Josh that well? Were these "episodes" really that.. that common? He felt so bad. So tremendously overwhelmed. He didn't want Tyler hurt, he'd be better locked in a padded cell where he was a danger to no one, not even himself.

T: "You still aren't amazing at words, I'll help you. Later of course, after the sun rises again at least."

I just want him calm so I can sleep- thought Tyler to himself.

You are my sun. thought Josh. The sun that keeps my storm calm, whether you see it as calm or not you help more than I could ever say aloud I'm sorry I'm too much of a coward to say you're the reason I'm alive but you are.

J: "S-sorry. I'm still shaken up from the.. that. You're sure nothing else happened? Nobody was hurt?"

Of course nobody was hurt, he wouldn't lie to Josh.

T: "Nobody was hurt not even you. Are you tired? I can pay for a bus home or you could come stay at my place- my mom wouldn't mind"

Your folks hate me like they hate you. 

J: "Sure let's go there, less of a chance of yelling."

The two of them stood up and went up the ramp to the sidewalk. It was all hills to Tyler's house. At some point Josh checked his watch and told Tyler it was 4:15 in the morning. So much for heading to Tyler's house, they'd both be beheaded. So instead they went to the abandoned hockey rink and fell asleep in the control room, which wasn't uncommon. Plus it was the only room without a still-working camera, so they could actually sleep in peace.

___________________________

T: "You awake-?"

Josh sat up, exhuasted. He still couldn't remember yesterday, but then again he couldn't remember a lot of days. He stretched and shuddered, it was cold. Too cold. It usually wasn't this cold.

J: "Y- *yawn* yeah. I think so. It's cold. Why is it so cold?"

He looked so fragile. Like any insult or minor inconvince could send him over edge. Tyler loved that though. Knowing he had that power over Josh. But he would -never- do something like that.

T: "They're fixing the place, the city won that thing and they have budget to rebuild this- they fixed the cooler. Didn't see us."

Great. We'll have to find somewhere else to go. Josh liked that spot. A lot. They had a mattress in there, and a mini fridge, and- memories. He did not want to leave the memories.

~~~  
Like when they first discovered it. The sun was going down at a faster pace than usual, the crisp air of winter was setting in, and Tyler had just fallen down. His muddy shoes and angst stained hands tried everything to get the door down, but it wouldn't budge, it was probably rusted shut.

"I can't open it BEAVER DAM IT."

"Ty, you can say damn it around me, you know that."

"What if I don't want to. Ever think about that one??"

"Alright alright, just don't feel like you have to live sin-free when it's just us. Hey- is that a crowbar??"

They did that thing in shows where they look at eachother and both race for whatever item was just noticed. Josh got to it first, and held it above Tyler's head (at the time he was taller.) After about a minute of teasing the crowbar was handed to Tyler for him to open the door. Josh recalls calling him "adorably cute" when he's mad, but he denies it every time.

They went inside and found the old janitoral closet, grabbed two brooms, and started cleaning. Everything was so open- everything except the control room. Its door still had a lock, and it was a small space, so it would be easier to keep warm. According to Josh's watch four hours had passed, which meant it was passed midnight, which meant they couldn't return home for that night.

After some thinking, they used the two flashlights and pointed them at the ceiling in the control room. They closed the door, and using the over-sized jacket Tyler brought, fell asleep.

Over the next few weeks after school they gathered things- like a stained sofa with a sign that read "free"- and brought them to the rink. After about two weeks, 10 stashed bags of Doritos, 1 pack of Dr Pepper, and Josh's brother's raido, their home away from home was complete.  
~~~

J: "Damn- that sucks. We'll have to move our stuff and find some place new to go... I think there's a few abandoned places here and there."

T: "Not ones with running electricity. Well, maybe one. But you wouldn't wanna go there. Nobody wants to go there."

J: "Are- are you talking about-"

T: "Yeah. There. T-h-e-r-e."

\---  
The  
House  
Excused  
fRom  
Eating

It didn't sound threatening when you heard it, but the story surrounding it made it a scared place.

Around 1981 or so -some say winter but locals say summer- people started disappearing. A few babies, children, teens and a few adults. Usually it was people nobody seemed to care about, or people from abusive homes- the people that wouldn't be missed. The media didn't even announce their disappearance. Right before then Bobby Venezuela showed up as "the newest rich man" in town. Having around 3.5million as his net worth, people would trust him with everything, everyone, and every possession. Local authorities trusted his word above all others (which was a mistake I assure you.)

It was said Bobby never let anyone into his house. He didn't have maids, or butlers, or a landscaper. It was a miracle his mansion was upkept for so many years, surely one man couldn't keep up with a 3-story house, with an attic & basement, and 10 acres of property. But he did.

Around 1985 it was discovered why. After the media acknowledged the 150+ dissapearences, the first person people went to was Bobby. On that particular night, he had been drinking. He told people exactly what he did with them. How they were kept in his basement and how he didn't care they were dying, and how they wanted to die anyway. It was found he had blamed people for years to cover up what he did.

Before he was sentenced to death, he was asked why no remains were found. He had this to say:

"Captive people make fine meals. You should try it sometime. Oh and, if you touch my house, or cut the power, I will return and have my friend do my bidding."

So the house has remained in the same condition, apart from the basement being sealed off.  
\---

J: "Do we really have a choice of where else? We don't wanna freeze-"

T: "Of course we don't have a choice. This just adds to our luck. Skit."

J: "It's still cute how you don't swear- anyway, we should start moving stuff out then."

T: "Is not. And yeah, we should. Important things first. Where's the-"

J: "Your jacket from the first day is right here."

T: "Thanks."

J: "Mhm. Dude, where's my towel??"

*look of concern from Tyler*

J: "Oh, right, I forgot I wrapped it around my head."

The towel was like a comfort blanket in a way, Josh always had it with him. Tyler on the other hand, used the jacket. He's had it since he was twelve, and it still fits him. Somehow.

Time passed, it was around three o'clock. Everything was out, half of it had been moved onto the Venezuela property. Josh started drinking- Tyler usually lost control of his emotions when Josh drank. Because drinking to him was gross, and vile, and he knew what it did to people. He knew how violent people could get. But at the same time, it felt weird being sober around a drunk person. Josh was a flirty drunk.. so the only thing Tyler had to worry about was keeping him away from other people- in some cases, off of him- but that only happened once. And only once did he let it happen.

~~~  
T: "Hey- what're you-"

J: "Shhhh. Quiet. Just -Just be quiet. But be as loud as you want."

T: "I'm not saying I don't want this, just I want you to be sober is all.."

Josh's eyes were hazed over, Tyler could feel his heart racing against him, and he wanted to just give in. But Josh wouldn't remember this. So it couldn't happen. He couldn't let it happen. Not when Josh was like this.

T: "P-Please baby I- I want us both to remember this."

J: "I won't be mad when you tell me tomorrow since it's me, I promise. I'll write it down if ya want so I can't be mad."

Tyler's face flushed. He didn't know. He couldn't focus, His mind was wrapped around the feeling of Josh's soft kisses on his neck, and how he wanted to grab at his own clothes and- his thoughts were spinning, he was sweating. Could he even speak-

"I won't. I will if you look at me right now and say yes, like what your eyes say, but if- [Josh sighs] if you really don't want me to, I won't."

Tyler lifted his head off the sofa. He could only manage a sentence.

"Y-yes but write down- youwontbe- mad."

Wow he sounded drunker than Josh. Did- did he really just- no turning back now. He wanted this; they both did. So why stop it?? Surely it was worth it.

Josh stood up, and walked over to the wall. Without thinking he grabbed the silver sharpie on the control desk, and wrote in surprisingly legible writing: DON'TBE MAD, IT WAS YOU IDIOT.

He went back to the sofa, and couldn't believe Tyler was.. his pants showed.. 

T: "I- "

J: "Shhhhh. That's not an issue. It helps in all honesty."

Tripping over himself, he got back on the couch, back on top of Tyler. He started kissing his neck, and slowly kissed down Tyler's torso. A small sound was heard when he kissed just under the belly button- so he kissed there again, and heard the same sound.

I can't think. I can't breathe. I just- that spot. That spot felt amazing. Should I tell him it felt amazing? Does he know? He's doing it again I- it's- I hope he doesn't stop.

T: "That... spot.. feels nice."

Josh smiled. He knew Tyler would want him to keep kissing that spot, and running his hands up his sides. Every time Josh's hands would come back down Tyler would shiver, and you could hear that small moan again. 

J: "You're okay with [kisses that spot again] me moving down right?"

T: "Y-yes."

Why wouldn't he be? This felt great but.. there was a little heat in a certain area and it'd be nice if that body part could breathe. Oh- oh. Tyler suddenly understood what Josh meant and- and there goes the belt buckle. 

He wasn't prepared for Josh's touch. It was pleasant and uncomfortable at the same time. His fingertips were cold but his mouth was warm, and all Tyler could do was lay there, letting out breaths that kept getting bigger, longer, louder-

J: "You're the bottom right?"

Tyler was caught so off guard by that, yet he found himself impulsively nodding his head, and just letting it all happen, it was wet, it was hot, it was so, so- he couldn't describe it. It was everything he wanted and everything he didn't at the same time.

Once again Tyler wasn't prepared. At first, it hurt. But- after a few minutes- it stopped hurting and he felt things he'd never felt before. It was slow, then fast, then slow, then hot, and Josh's moans could now be heard, rising steadily.

Josh slowed down for a second.

J: "Can- *swallows* Can I -go- insideyou?"

Tyler couldn't speak. His head was spinning so much and the feeling was so intense he was suprised he managed to nod his head as well as he did. He decided he'd love that actually, and managed to say one word before Josh kept going: more.

You wouldn't have been able to tell who was louder. All you could hear was a clapping noise and the sound of two boys moaning out of pleasure as it kept getting louder, and louder. Tyler decided to guide Josh to laydown as he sat on top of him. Bouncing up and down you could see how much he was trying not to bust, as was Josh, and only moments later Josh climaxed at the same time as Tyler. It took a good 30 minutes for them to clean up and slow their breaths, and they both fell asleep almost immediately after.  
···

The next morning Josh woke up before Tyler. He seen the familiar drunk writing on the wall, followed by the new couch stains and the "dirty" pairs of underwear. True to his drunk self's word, he didn't get mad. Truth be told he was relieved- that he wasn't the bottom.  
~~~

But Tyler didn't have to worry about that anymore. They promised eachother they'd wait until marriage before they did any of that again- only because Tyler asked it to be that way. And so it shall remain that way.

Josh drinking wasn't a problem, he wasn't an alcoholic, only drank when he felt he earned a drink. And after all the heavy lifting from one property to another, he certainly did. Usually it was red wine, but occasionally he stole a Budlight or two from his dad's garage.

J: "I wanna sleep, how much longer do you think this'll take?"

T: "I dunno. Maybe an hour? It's before 12, we could go home if we wanted to. My folks won't care about your drinking 'cause it's not me drinking, so we'd be alright."

No response.

T: "..What was I thinking, here, help me grab the couch and bring it to the porch, not like the whole place isn't furnished but alright."

J: "Do you love me?"

Tyler stopped lifting the couch. His heart sank. He hadn't said the words "I love you" to anyone in so long, he wasn't sure if he could truly mean it to anyone anymore. He wanted Josh alive, he cared if he got hurt- so yeah, he loved him, but could he manage to say it without choking up? He'd hesitated long enough already-

T: "Of course I love you, where'd you get the idea I wouldn't?" - followed by a smile and small laugh. He hoped Josh would see he meant it.

J: "Do you mean it?"

Depisode. Depression Episode.

Josh was unstable- he switched. He'd never had a depisode while drunk and it was terrifying to think how it could change at any moment. Tyler didn't know what to do, so he just answered a few of Josh's questions, like the "Do you meant it?" "Can we go sit?" "Am I worth it?" etc. And to all of the questions the most positive answers were given, but after an hour or so of Josh asking it became apparent to Tyler that it would go on so long as Josh was awake just because he was under influence. So he urged him to sleep, bit he wouldn't. He wouldn't.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\\//\\\//\\\//\\\

Chapter end!!!

Will Josh lash out at Tyler?  
Can Tyler keep up with Josh?  
Will Josh give in and sleep?  
Does Tyler lash out?  
Will there be a disturbance in the house?  
Could- with- they- pain-

Stay tuned for Chapter two, I'm unsure when it'll be up :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! My twitter is @OdeToAwake if you wanted to keep updated about the fic. I plan to keep it updated/ post often. Let me know what you thought or if you have any edit recommendations!! :)


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